Dear Matthew
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Cora did not lose the baby and thus Matthew loses the Earldom. He hears about this while he is already in France. This story takes a look at how Robert and Cora's son influences the relationship between Mary and Matthew.
1. Chapter 1

Cora did not lose the baby and thus Matthew loses the Earldom. He hears about this while he is already in France. This story takes a look at how Robert and Cora's son influences the relationship between Mary and Matthew.

AN: I have played around with the idea of Cora and Robert's boy actually living ever since I let their child live in my story _Kiss Me_, but turned the child into a girl in that story. This is one of at least two stories I am going to write in the, I suppose, "The boy lives" AU (although those stories will explore different route so to speak).

This story isn't very long, I think five or six chapters only. The first and the last chapter are shorter than the others.

As always, let me know what you think about this!

Kat

P.S.: At the guest who wrote the last review for _Unpredictable_ and for _The Beginnings_: Thank you so much again! I am glad I could help provide respite while reviewing for your exams. My last round of exams isn't that far in the past and I remember how important those little moments of not thinking about studying are, so I am very honored knowing that I helped you find those moments. I hope your exams went well! This story is not a Cobert story, but they do play a role in this one as well, so I hope you like it anyway :)

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Dear Matthew,

I hope you are doing well, or rather as well as you can do while you are at war. It is up to you to decide whether you consider this news to be good:

Cora has had the baby and they are both fine. It is a boy and we named him Nicholas Robert Crawley. I hope that you can join us in our happiness but I would understand if this was very difficult for you. Be assured that you will always have a place at Downton. Should you decide to return to Downton, I would like to involve you in the running of the estate as soon as you are home from the war, although of course it is your decision whether and how much you would like to be involved.

Cora and I hope that you will be one of Nicholas' godparents. We also asked your mother, who has already agreed and my cousin Shrimpie (don't laugh, it's a nickname, he is actually the Marquess of Flintshire) who has not said anything yet. Quite besides being Nicholas's godfather, we would also like to name you and Mary his legal guardians in case anything should happen to both Cora and me. We hope that you will agree to this -as Mary has already done- we would be honored if you did. Please don't think that this a consolation price we are giving to you, we consider you to be a well-trusted and well-loved member of our immediate family and we would not ask this of you if we did not think that you would be an excellent guardian to our son, should he ever have need of one.

The christening will be on December 23rd and I have already telephoned the war office, they would give you a two weeks leave.

Good luck with everything, Lord knows I know you need it at war. Please be careful and don't play the hero. Our thoughts are with you.

I really hope to see you soon my dear boy,

Robert


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for all the reviews!

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He has read the letter so many times now that he knows it by heart and he still doesn't know what to do. He believes that Robert and Cora want him to be godfather and guardian to their son because they are genuinely fond of him, but he doesn't know whether he wants to do it. He would bind himself to Downton and the family then and he isn't sure whether that is what he wants, quite beside the fact that he would be joined in this guardianship by Mary. Mary, who didn't want to marry him as long as she couldn't be sure that he was the heir. Mary who he insulted the first time he ever saw her. Mary who he fell in love with the first time he saw her. Mary who he is still in love with, who he dreams of every night. Mary who he wants to forget so much. Mary who he knows he will never be able to forget.

He is sure that Robert decided to have the christening the day before Christmas Eve because if he came home, he'd be home for both Christmas and New Year's. He could go home, but he isn't sure whether Downton really is his home, he thought of it as his home until Robert told him about Cora's pregnancy. He doesn't begrudge them their happiness, he knows they have both always longed for a son and that this baby is a statement of the ongoing and true love the Earl and Countess of Grantham feel for each other. But he feels a little slighted nonetheless.

Despite his slightly hurt pride, in the end he decides to go home and to do what Robert and Cora would like him to do. He does feel honored by them asking him, they could have picked anyone, but they picked him. He knows that both of them like him a lot, he likes them a lot too, if he is honest with himself, and he knows that Robert feels guilty for taking the title and the estate from him, even if he surely is blissfully happy to finally have a son. He thinks that Robert will be an excellent father to a boy, he is an excellent father to the girls too, in fact Matthew agrees with Mary in thinking that both Robert and Cora are very good parents and they don't deserve him rejecting being godfather and guardian to their son just because he feels somehow looked over.

When he is on the train to Downton, he even looks forward to meeting his newest cousin and to see the rest of the family again. He misses them more than he thought he would, being away from them has shown him that 'the family at big house' as his mother used to say has really become his family. It is not just him and his mother and the memory of his long deceased father anymore and he thinks that on the whole, having met the Earl's family, having become part of that family has been good for both his mother and him.

The train from London to Downton gets stuck in a snow storm and for while it looks as if he won't make it home in time for the christening the next day, but eventually he arrives at the station in Downton at two thirty am. He gets a cab to get to his mother's house and once he is there, Moseley tells him that his mother is spending the night at the Abbey. So he decides to walk there, he needs to clear his head anyway, it feels so strange to not be in trenches anymore. Despite feeling a slight pang of loss, he hearts beats in happy anticipation when the Abbey looms in front of him. He is let into the house by a young hall boy who tells him that a room for him has been prepared in the guest wing and he wants to go there straight away, but when he has made it halfway through the entrance hall, he sees a low light in the library and he hears someone singing softly.

It sounds like a lullaby and he thinks that it is Cora who is singing it because it is a song he has never heard before and the singer somehow sounds American. He walks towards the library to make his presence known to the lady of the house and most likely her young son, but when he stands in the doorway to the library, his heart stops beating for a second. It isn't Cora who is holding little Nicholas and singing to him, but Mary and he has never seen anything so beautiful in his life. She is bathed in the soft glow of the low light, her hair is falling down her back in an untidy braid and while she is not wearing a night dress, she is obviously wearing a skirt and blouse she feels very comfortable in. He wonders if she is still at least half decently dressed because she has been waiting for him.

He is sure that she is singing a lullaby her mother used to sing to her when she was very little and that that is why she sings it with an American accent. It is a song about a mocking bird and diamond ring and a dog named Rover and her voice is incredibly soft and gentle and he can't stop himself from imaging Mary holding their child in her arms and singing a lullaby just as she does for her brother now. She must have sensed his presence because she turns towards him and smiles at him in a way that she has never smiled at him before. He has never seen her looking so soft and when she says "Matthew," in a voice full of emotion and smiles the most beautiful smile he has ever seen on her face, has ever seen on anyone's face, he thinks that heis the biggest fool in the world. His knees go weak and his heart beats at a pace that is making him dizzy.

"I am so glad you made it. We were afraid the snow storm would keep you away." She is now standing right in front of him and she briefly touches his forearm. "You must be tired and hungry. I'll have some sandwiches and something to drink brought for you. Papa asked the kitchen staff to prepare something in case you arrived in the middle of the night. I would introduce you to my little brother if he hadn't just fallen asleep." He only nods in reply to this and she raises her eyebrows at him slightly. "You look as if you were about to fall over. Sit down, please. I'll bring Nicholas upstairs and then I'll keep you company." She has said all this in a soft voice he had no idea she was capable of using. He sits down on one of the sofas and he hears her giving instructions to one of the hall boys. "Please make sure that Lieutenant Crawley is brought a few sandwiches and something to drink. I will join him as soon as I have returned Lord Downton to the nursery."

"Very well my lady."

He doesn't know what to think or what to do; he is so confused that he even forgets to get up when Mary returns to the library. Food and drink have been brought for him but he hasn't touched anything so far. "Matthew, you must eat and drink. We can't have you keel over during the christening."

"No, I suppose not." So he begins to eat and Mary pours a glass of wine for both of them. She looks at him and he raises their glass and on a whim he says "To Nicholas Robert Crawley, future Earl of Grantham." Mary laughs and says "And to Lieutenant Matthew Crawley. May Lord Downton become as excellent a man as his godfather." She smiles at him and lifts her glass to her lips, but he grabs her hand. "And to you Mary, wonderfully sweet and loving sister. Now." They both drink and when Mary lowers her glass she looks at him questioningly.

"Do you really think me a sweet and loving sister?"

"At least to Nicholas and Sybil. I am not so sure about Edith, but that is not your fault. At least not entirely"

"I am not so sure. I sometimes think that I am a rather horrid person." How can she think that of herself? How can the woman he loves more than life think of herself as anything less than perfect?

"No Mary, you are not. You are a wonderful person. You are a very good sister and a breathtaking woman."

"Matthew, don't say things like that when you don't mean them."

"But I do mean them, Mary. I do. You are all I think about at night in the trenches. I dream of you every night. It is driving me mad but at same time it is keeping me sane because it keeps some horrible nightmares away."

"What do you dream of Matthew?" He shouldn't answer this but he can't stop himself.

"Of holding you in my arms. Of being with you. But I know that you don't dream of me." She shakes her head now.

"I dream of you. I dream that you are home, that you are with me, that we are together. You and I. Matthew." The way she says his name sends a shiver down his spine and he leans forward the same moment she does and in what almost feels like replay from 10 months ago, he captures her lips with his and she answers the kiss.

"Oh God Mary, I am such a fool. I shouldn't have left, I should have waited for you to be ready, I shouldn't have put so much pressure, I should," but she puts a finger to his lips.

"Matthew," she says in an incredibly soft and loving voice. "There is nothing you should or shouldn't have done, there is just something that I should have done. I should have told you my reason for stalling. Because I didn't do it because of my little brother. I didn't care whether you were the future Earl of Grantham or a country lawyer. I still don't."

"Then marry," again she stops him.

"No, Matthew, please don't do anything you will regret."

"I wouldn't regret it, please Mary, I could never regret," he wants to propose to her and he wants to do it now, he wants to marry her as soon as possible, he wants to make her his and never let her go. But again she puts a finger to his lips.

"Matthew, I have done something that will make you despise me for the rest of your days. That's why I never told you before, because I didn't want you to despise me, but I am now going to tell you what I've done because I don't want you pining for me when you don't have to. I am setting you free in a way."

"Mary, I don't want,"

"No." Why can't she ever let him finish a sentence?

"Matthew, do you remember Kamal Pamuk?"

"Of course. But what,"

"He died in my bed. He came to my room and took me to bed, I let him take me to bed and then he had a heart attack and died." His world begins to spin, he cannot believe this.

"I had help carrying him back to his own room, but he died in my bed." Without him wanting it to happen, he suddenly switches into lawyer mode, probably to distance himself from what he has just heard and because he needs time to digest this.

"Did you ask him to come to your room?"

"Of course not."

"Did you ask him to come in once he was there?"

"No."

"Did you try to deny him entry?"

"Are you cross-examining me?"

"Mary, I need to know."

"Yes, I tried to deny him entry. He wouldn't listen, he just walked into my room."

"Did you make advances on him?"

"Of course not."

"But he made advances on you."

"Yes. He kissed me. And told me not to scream."

"Did he force you?"

"No. I could have screamed. But I didn't. And after a while I began to participate."

"But you did not initiate it."

"No."

"Good." He doesn't realize that he has gotten up and paced the space between the two sofas until he sits down again.

"Matthew, I am so sorry, but"

"No but Mary."

"What must you think of me?"

He doesn't know what to think of her and he has a difficult time wrapping his head around all of it. It hurts him that she didn't trust him enough to tell him about Pamuk right away, but then again, at that time he hadn't proposed to her yet, he had had no reason to even hope that he had captured her heart at that time. And then he remembers her standing in this room, holding her little brother only half an hour ago and he remembers how much he had wished that it wasn't her little brother but her child, his child, their child she was holding, how much he had wanted to kiss her, how good and right it felt to actually kiss her.

"That you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Matthew, I am impure."

"I don't care."

"What if we fight? Won't the unfortunate Mr. Pamuk resurrect himself then?"

"No. Mary, I have seen and done things much much worse than what you have done. All you did was give in to a man who had flirted with you for days. It wasn't your fault that he died. But men have died because of me. Many more men will die because I shoot them."

"Matthew, that is your duty. You are defending our" This time it is him who puts a finger to her lips.

"Let's not discuss this anymore. I love you too much to care about Pamuk. Now the question is, do you love me enough to reconsider marrying me?"

"Matthew, don't do this unless you are sure."

"I am sure. So, will you?"

"Propose to me. Get down on one knee and everything." He loves her too much to not do her this favor, so he slides of the sofa and she gets up. He takes her left hand in his and asks

"Lady Mary Crawley, will you marry me?"


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you so much for all the many reviews!

As I said somewhere before, this is a rather straight forward short story. I am working on a long story with a similar set up which I will start to post in few weeks. (This one isn't over yet, there are two more chapters to come.)

Kat

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"Yes." He can't believe it. She said yes. Before he saw her in the library less than an hour ago, he thought he was done with her. He still loved her, of course, but he knew that it would never, could never be. He had been sure that eventually they both would get married to other people. He surely with a pinch of regret, he wasn't that sure about Mary, but besides his endless, useless pining for her, they had been over and done with in his mind.

And now he has asked her to become his wife, again, and she finally said yes and he has never been happier in his life. He knows she said yes because she loves him, there is no other reason. He also knows that she is giving up rather a lot for him, but as long as she doesn't care, he won't care either. But he will do his utmost best to make up for everything she has lost by being a very good husband to her, by being a husband that is worth giving up an estate and titled position for, because he is sure that Mary would eventually have married a man poised to become and Earl or a Marquess or similar.

"Matthew?" She asks in a very soft voice and shakes him out of his reverie.

He gets up and kisses her and swings her around and while he does that, she knocks over the table with the wine and the food and it sounds as if bomb had exploded next them. He drops her to the floor and holds onto her tightly.

"Oh dear, Mama and Granny will have a fit. And so will Carson." He is scared, scared of what is going to happen, he has been transported back into the trenches and he can hear people come running and he hears voices and suddenly all the lights in the room are turned on, the light isn't a soft glow from a few lamps anymore, it is a glaring electric light of the chandelier and all other lights in the room and he wants to scream but Mary takes his face between her hands and says "Matthew. Focus on me. It was just a table falling over and Papa has turned on the lights. That is all. You are safe, my darling." It is the last two words that bring him back to reality.

"Thank you," he whispers to her and then says "I apologize for making such a racket. It was my fault, I was a little overenthusiastic."

He then realizes that only Robert and Cora have come downstairs, he is not facing hundreds of armed men.

"I'll say," Robert says and then claps him on the shoulder. "I am glad to you came my dear boy, I really am."

"And so am I." Cora has now walked towards him too and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "What were you so overenthusiastic about that you ruined our carpet?" Cora doesn't seem to be mad, she is actually smiling and looking at his and Mary's joined hands and he thinks that she knows what made him ruin the carpet.

"I proposed to Mary and she accepted me."

"Oh, that is wonderful. Congratulations. I knew you two would get there in the end."

"I am glad you two have finally come to you senses."

"You are one to talk, Robert. You know all about not seeing love when it is right in front of you."

"But I didn't wait two years to propose to you."

"No, you proposed to me after two months. Without taking either your or my feelings into consideration."

"Well, my darling, I had to act fast. There were other men pursuing you and I had to make sure that you married the right man."

"And you think that was you?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"I was the nicest of them all."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"You said yes, after all."

He watches his future parents-in-law banter in fascination. They have turned towards each other during their banter and Robert has actually put his arms around Cora's waist. He has never seen them so uninhibited.

"Matthew, let's go. Let's leave them to it." Mary now pulls him out of the library without minding her parents.

"Won't they think us rude? Leaving like that?"

"Oh, they've forgotten all about us." Mary leads him to his room and opens the door for him.

"We both need to sleep, Matthew, tomorrow is an important day."

"Yes, it is." But he doesn't want to sleep, he wants to kiss Mary and so he does. She kisses him back but eventually moves away from him a little.

"Goodnight Matthew. I love you."

"I love you too."

He gets changed and lies down in a real bed for the first time in what feels like an eternity, although it has really been only few months. But he can't get to sleep. He keeps hearing men scream for their lives, he can't shake off the war. So eventually he gets up again and begins to wander through the house aimlessly. He has no idea where he is going and only realizes that he has walked into the family wing when he bumps into Robert.

"Matthew, are you alright?"

"Yes, I just, I am sorry. I'll go back to my room." He is mortally embarrassed and hopes that Robert doesn't think that he was looking for Mary's room, because he wasn't.

"You keep hearing screams, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And you doubt yourself. For being the cause of some of those screams."

"Yes."

"Come with me Matthew."

Robert leads him down the hallway and walks into a room on the right, a room that is obviously the nursery.

"Look into the crib Matthew and tell me what you see." He finds this rather weird but he is sure that Robert wants to help him and after all the man has been to war himself, although they have never talked about it.

"A cute little boy. And a future Earl."

"Yes. But he is more than that. He is your godson, or he will be in few hours, he is your future brother-in-law, uncle of yours and Mary's future children, he will provide the livelihoods for hundreds of people one day. But he also is, as you said, a little boy. He doesn't know anything besides that if he screams and cries, someone will come and take care of him. There may not be many future Earls in this world, but there are countless babies who only know that if they scream and cry someone will take care of them. And to make sure that those babies grow up in a peaceful world, a world that is worth living in, we have to fight that war. Matthew, you are not only fighting that war for us, you are fighting it for the future of little children, little children just like Nicholas."

"Are you going to fight?" He hopes not. He just can't imagine Robert in the trenches and he can imagine Downton without Robert even less.

"No. I have already been rejected for active service. I am supposed to walk around in uniform here and maybe I will be responsible for some sort of training from next year on. And I am supposed to 'boost the county's morale' to quote the general who told me that I wasn't needed in France. A general who is older than me."

"You are needed here though, aren't you? How can places like Downton survive with their masters gone? What would become of all the people who depend on it? I know that Cora would be perfectly capable of running Downton by herself, but nevertheless, it would be better for the county if you remained, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it give people the feeling that there are some things that will remain the same? Things worth fighting for? Places they can come home to? Downton is such a place. With the estate gone, the village would fall apart, because you do not only provide the livelihoods of the servants and tenants, by proxy you also provide the livelihoods for almost every shop keeper in the village. And if you got involved in the training of young soldiers, then no one could accuse you of not doing anything for the war effort, least of all you yourself."

Robert now looks at him a little stunned. "Thank you Matthew. You are right, of course you are right." The child then begins to fuss and Robert lifts his son out of the crib. There is so much pride on Robert's face when he looks at the little boy that Matthew has the feeling that he is watching a moment between father and son he should not be watching because he is an outsider.

"Well, Nick, you've woken up just in time. You can meet your godfather now, who, thanks to your sister Mary, will soon be your brother as well." Robert now looks at him. "You can hold him if you like, Matthew. Practice for later." When Robert places the little boy in his arms, the boy that has unintentionally taken away the Earldom from him, the boy that has replaced him, the boy that made him realize that he still loves Mary, he almost begins to cry.

"Matthew, he hasn't replaced you. Not for me or for Cora or for Edith or Sybil or my mother. Don't ever think that. He has replaced you as the heir, but not as anything else. And I am very, very happy that you will marry Mary. She couldn't have found a better husband. Or father for her future children. Or son-in-law for me, although I doubt that she considered that to be important."

"Thank you." Nick, he loves the name, now looks at him with big eyes. He knows the boy is too small to really smile but he thinks that he does and when he smiles back at him, he is sure that Nick knows that it means that he is very important to him.

"He'll cry soon, he'll want to be fed. I'll take him with me. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Matthew?"

"Yes?"

"Mary's room is the one over there. In case you can't sleep because of the screams. Just be careful." He is absolutely flabbergasted and wonders what has gotten into Robert. He watches him carry off the child to what he supposes is Cora's room and knocks on Mary's door against his better judgment. When she opens the door she looks shocked for a moment and he remembers what she told him about Kamal Pamuk coming to her room.

"Matthew! What in the world are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"It is five o' clock in the morning, so technically it is not the middle of the night anymore."

"Tell the lawyer in you to hold his tongue."

"Alright. May I come in, please? But if you don't"

"No, it's alright. I don't want you to be seen."

"Your father pointed this room out to me."

"What?"

"He guessed that I kept hearing screams. It is true. He probably thinks it might help if I didn't have to sleep by myself."

"He might be right. But we should go to sleep now because we will have to get up at 8:30 to be ready on time. There'll be breakfast before church and a luncheon afterwards."

"Good. Would you like me to sleep on the chair?" He really doesn't know where to sleep in here.

"No. Come to bed Matthew." So he joins her in her bed and after a short deliberation puts his arm around her and she moves closer to him. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, as if they were made for each other. He wishes he had realized this sooner, but is glad that he at least was able to make up for his stupid, arrogant mistake. He thinks that he will probably be indebted to Nick all his life for showing him how much he loves Mary and how much he wants to have a family with her, how much he wants to share his life with her, how much he wants Mary to be the mother of his children.

"Mary?"

"Hm?"

"When should we get married?"

"I don't know. The end of the war?"

"We have no idea when that will be."

"No. It is a bit indefinite. When can you get leave the next time?"

"I don't know. But I am on leave now."

"I know."

"How about we get married now? I don't mean today. But maybe Dec 31st. Wouldn't that be romantic?"

"How are we supposed to organize a wedding within 8 days?"

"What is there to organize? All the people we love are here anyway. We just have to ask Travis whether he'd be prepared to do the service, but why wouldn't he? You are the eldest daughter of the Earl, he'll be thrilled."

"I need a dress."

"Again, you are the eldest daughter of the Earl of Grantham. I am sure you can find a shop Ripon or York that'll help you with that."

"Why do it now?"

"Because I love you, Mary. And I want to start our life together now." He wants to start a family with her, he wants her to sing to and hold their child the way she did with her brother, but he doesn't dare to tell her that.

"You'll leave again. And I won't know when you'll be back."

"All the more reason, don't you think?" He turns on his side now and looks at her in the glow of the one light that is still turned on in her room. She is so beautiful, more beautiful than he remembered and she has captured his heart. She smiles at him now.

"Yes. Let's do it. Mama and Granny will have a fit, but let's do it." He pulls her closer to him now and begins to kiss her and she kisses him back and his hands begin to roam her body and he just can't stop and apparently neither can Mary.

"Matthew, please," she whimpers when he hesitates before he does what he will never be able to take back. But when he looks into her eyes and sees that they are full of love, full of love for him, he remembers that she has agreed to marry him and he really doesn't want to take anything back, he loves her and she is all he ever wants.


	4. Chapter 4

"I love you. You are all I ever want," she says to him when he holds her in his arms a little while later. He can't say anything because there is a lump forming his throat. He never thought that loving someone could be so all encompassing and what they have just done, the intimacy of it, is so much more than he imagined it to be. Within a few hours, Mary has changed his life. There were so many things that were important in his life before, but now the only thing that is important is her. All his lingering doubts about being the godfather to the next Earl of Grantham, about returning to Downton and the Abbey at all, have vanished. If Mary wants to live at the Abbey, they will, and if she wants to live on the moon, they will move there. It doesn't matter to him as long as she is there. He wants to tell her this, but when he turns his head towards her, he realizes that she has fallen asleep, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm around her. He has never been so happy.

They are woken a few hours later rather unceremoniously by Edith, who knocks on the door, disregards Mary's admittedly mumbled 'go away', opens the door, takes one look at them and says

"Oh for heaven's sake Mary, can you not even leave him alone now that he isn't the heir anymore? Do you have to take every man who smiles at you to bed? Matthew, she won't marry you, don't disillusion yourself." Mary and he grab a pillow at the same time and throw them at Edith, who backs out of the room but leaves the door ajar.

"Papa, you should go into Mary's room right now."

"Good morning to you too, Edith. And I'd rather not go into Mary's room because Matthew is probably in there as well." Edith storms of so loudly that it can most likely be heard in the servants' hall.

There is a soft knock on the door again, however, a minute later.

"Mary, Matthew, it's time to get up. Matthew, if you need help, I've told Bates to wait for you in my room. Just go in there, he's already got your uniform and everything else he needs."

"Thank you."

"I told you he was in there. I win."

"Oh alright."

"Where's my kiss, Cora? I won it, as you like to say, fair and square."

"You'll get that tonight, Robert." So his future parents-in-law apparently made a bet considering whether he would sleep in Mary's room. He finds that rather unnerving, although by far not as unnerving as the wager they obviously agreed upon last night.

As soon as he enters the breakfast room, his mother gets up and greets him and says to him "I am very proud of you for agreeing to this. You've decided to stay a member of this family regardless, and I know it must be hard for you." He briefly considers telling her that he will bind himself much more closely to this family on the last day of this year, but he doesn't want the focus to shift to him and Mary now, so he keeps silent.

He feels a little weird going to church in his uniform and by the look on Robert's face, he sees that he feels the same way. The church is filled to capacity; apparently the christening of the future Earl seems to be an event that nobody wants to miss.

Once the obligatory pictures have been taken after the service, he pulls Travis off to one side and asks him about the wedding. The Reverend is a little taken aback but tells Matthew that he is not the first who asks for a wedding to be organized within a few days and that he would be glad to perform the ceremony.

Mary and he decide to make the announcement later that day at dinner, and when they do, Robert immediately proposes a toast to them and Cora and his mother start to plan a wedding that sounds impossible to really put into practice within a week.

That night, when he comes to Mary's room, he finds his future wife rather subdued and is scared that it is because of the wedding.

"Yes, Matthew, it is about the wedding."

"Should we move it? If you want to,"

"No darling, I'd marry you right now if I could. Aunt Rosamund just made it very clear to me that she thinks that I am making a huge mistake. She told me I wouldn't be happy with you for the rest of my life. She thinks this marriage is born out of a war rush."

"War rush?"

"She thinks that we only want to get married because of the war, to have something stable in our lives. And that once we are actually living together I will find out that I am not made to be the wife of a country lawyer."

"And are you made to be the wife of a country lawyer?"

"I want to be your wife, I don't care what you do for a living. But she thinks that I wouldn't be happy living in a cottage or at Crawley house."

"Mary, we can live wherever you want to live. If you want to live here, at the Abbey, I am more than willing to stay. It is a beautiful house and I am sure that your father won't ask us to leave."

"No. He already told me that Mama and he would like it very much if we stayed. And I think I want to stay. This is my home."

"Then we'll stay, darling. And should you change your mind at some point, well, then we can always move."

"But is that what you want?"

"Mary, I want you. I don't care where we live, as long as we live together."

There are tears running down her face now and he sits down next to her on the bed and pulls her close to him. "What is it, darling?"

"It's nothing, I am just a little overwhelmed with it all. But I am looking forward to the wedding very much." She looks into his eyes now and he thinks that now, after having cried, after having taking her hair apart and gotten changed for the night, after having told him how she feels and what she wants, after having taken off all her masks, she looks even more beautiful than she does anyway.

"Mary, I love you. So very much." He wants to kiss her, but she backs away.

"Matthew, I am not sure we should be doing this."

"Why not?"

"I am scared."

"Of what? Mary I thought that last night" Again she puts a finger to his lips.

"Last night was wonderful Matthew, and I don't regret it. But I am scared of becoming pregnant. I know that it wouldn't matter because we are getting married in about a week and no one would ever know, except for maybe my parents who are surprisingly liberal about this whole affair. No, Matthew I am scared that I will be pregnant and that you won't be here once the child is born. Because you are stuck at war. This war will not be over by next Tuesday, I think that it will last years. And I don't know if I have the strength to raise a child by myself. I may pretend to be strong, but really, I am not."

She surprises him with almost everything she says. This is a side of Mary he didn't even know was there. He had no idea that Mary didn't think of herself as a particularly strong woman, although he supposes that he should have guessed. But her vulnerability makes him love her even more and quite possibly her heartbreakingly soft way of taking care of her brother stems from that vulnerability.

"Mary, I understand. But you could certainly raise a child by yourself however, you wouldn't have to. My mother and your parents would help you with it. But if you don't want to risk it, then we don't have to do anything, of course not."

"The thing is Matthew, I do want a child. I am just scared of it. I am not the nicest or kindest or softest person in the world. I don't think that I'd be a good mother, at least not without you around."

"Mary, I've seen you with your brother. You are soft and nice and kind and gentle with him. Surprisingly so. You would be a very good mother. With or without me around."

"Do you really believe that or are you just trying to get me to go to bed with you?" He has to laugh about this because he knows she isn't serious.

"I really believe that. But I have to admit that I wouldn't mind," he doesn't get any further because Mary has already begun to kiss him and he just can't resist her. He never really could resist her, but now he finally doesn't have to anymore.

When he waits for her at the altar a week later and the music begins to play he can't help but turn around and watch her being walked down the aisle. She is stunningly beautiful and she is his. Robert smiles at him and says "Good luck to both of you," when he hands her over and then steps back.

Much later that day, after all the guests have left, Robert hands him a letter from the war office that grants him a two further weeks of leave.

"If you like, you can use Grantham House in London. I know it isn't much, but where would you be travelling to anyway?"

"Thank you Robert. How about it, Mary?"

She looks at him for a moment and then says

"No. I if you wouldn't mind, I'd much rather just stay here."

"I wouldn't mind, I'd love to stay. But I was sure that you wanted to go." She laughs now.

"Good," she says. "I would hate to be predictable."


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Matthew,

I hope you are well, or as well as you can be while you are in the trenches. I am writing to you with good news:

Mary has had the baby and it is boy. She named him George Matthew Crawley, but I am sure that you know this because she said that you had talked about names before.

Mary and George are both well, however Mary is very tired and asleep now. I am sure that she will write to you tomorrow. I am sending this letter per express; I have called in a few favors at the war office, so that it will reach you as soon as possible. They have also granted you a two week leave to go home and meet your son.

Mary does not know about this letter or the leave you have been granted, so if you like, you can surprise her. Or send a telegram ahead, do what you prefer.

Please accept Cora's and my heart felt congratulations on the birth of your very lovely and sweet little boy. We are very happy, even though Mary and you have turned us into grandparents and thereby made us old. Although I tend to believe Cora when she says that you are only as old as you feel and because of Nick I don't feel old at all. Maybe I am just a very young grandfather. Don't laugh, I want to hold on to that fiction.

As always, good luck and please don't play the hero. Be careful.

I look forward to seeing you soon my dear boy,

Robert

* * *

That's it for this story. But as I said there is a story with a similar set up coming up in a few weeks, that will be both character and plot driven (the last one I haven't that much practice at, that's one reason why it takes so long), that will go far beyond this, it will cover at least the years between 1914 and 1920. As that story will be rather long and I won't start to post it before I have written at least half of it and planned out the other half, I will post much shorter stories and one-shots in the meantime, though certainly not every day.

The next story I'll post is the other TAG AU that I promised and I am almost finished with that one.

Thank you for all the favorites, follows and reviews! They are what keeps me going.

Kat


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